Giving My All?

Sally, the Interviewer: Hello, Q. We would like to interview you because you say that you are "giving your all". Is this statement true?

Q: Yes, Sally, I'm DEFINITELY giving my all!! I mean, look at me: I'm a student missionary, I'm on a tiny island...look, I even extended to stay for summer school!

Sally: *Ahem...yes, that's very nice of you. So you feel like you are really giving your all? For what?

Q: *no answer...
(thinking)...what does she mean, "for what?" for God, for the people of Ebeye, for me! Wait, for me?
Yes, that is part of the problem. We as missionaries so often become stuck on what WE are doing for THEM - wherever we are serving. Well, realistically, THEY have done a whole lot more for ME this year than I ever could've done for THEM. And am I really living my life daily for God, or am I just saying "well, I'm a missionary, so I must be doing what God wants me to do!" And then going about life in my own way, doing my own thing? Hmmm...

Sally: Well, you recently put up a blog post called "50 Days", and from what I could see the focus was pretty much on YOU and what you have gone through this year! How does that apply to this selfless idea of giving your all up to your God to be used however He sees fit?

Q: . . . . . . 

I have no answer...not even for my own conscience. But I'm thinking about this...

Here is part of a message that a friend sent to me near the end of my SM year:
You may not see it now, but I have NO doubt you are changing lives down there. All the work you've done to help get that one girl to Andrews. Not to mention the personal attention you give students and just being a light of Christ for them. And while we like to see results instantly when we give our all, that doesn't always happen. One of my favorite quotes ever is that God gives us just enough evidence to have faith; but not enough to take away our freedom or choice. Similarly I think you can apply that to ministry. God doesn't ask that we see or produce results. He simply says "Go, love your neighbor as yourself." 
 

So, that helps me answer this...maybe I've been selfish, even as I've tried to serve and give God my all. But He understands that. He uses us, in our brokenness, for His good work. What can we do? Do our best; give our all, each day, and realize that we will make mistakes, and we will be selfish. But that doesn't mean we should EVER give up...we just need to try, and try again, and give it all back to God. Giving my ALL? Yes, as best as I know how. Giving Him all of my HEART. All of me.

Here's what David had to say about it:

O Lord, open my lips, And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.

For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;

You do not delight in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

A broken and a contrite heart—

These, O God, You will not despise.                  ~Psalm 51:15-17